Reading with the Lights On: The Hunger Games Chapters 1-3.

In case you have been living under a rock for the last year or so, or perhaps you just accidentally wandered into the young adult section of Barnes and Noble while trying to find a nonchalant way to get to the “Human Sexuality” section.  The next big thing in the it’s-fun-to-read-cause-it-doesn’t-use-fancy-words-Literature is the series called The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.  Now I know that many of you out there hate sitting down for hours at a time reading a book. All the while risking the constant possibilities of paper cuts, paper burns, and paper sexual harassment.  So my adored readers take solace in knowing that I, Matt Aldapa, will be reading the book for you and summarizing it in neat little 3 chapter intervals.  It’s like cliff notes, without the “pfff...dumbass” stares you get at the checkout register.

This is...

"Reading with the Lights On!"

So…without further adieu… THE HUNGER GAMES

Chapters 1-3: Enter, Her royal, Katniss.

            Imagine yourself two hundred or so years in the future.  Now rip off all your clothes, kill off all the people you love, and develop a severe case of dysentery and you are now in the setting of The Hunger Games.  This is a sad future of paranoid government control, widespread famine and poverty, and a time in which humans have evolved beyond the point of having respectable sounding names…

Enter our heroine, Katniss.  Her name is Latin for “Feline Royalty”.

           

Katniss is the alpha-female, tomboy, who might as well carry an axe to chop down any phallic spire that gets in her way.  She takes care of her little sister Prim, and her depressed mother, Proper.  (They haven’t told me her name yet, so I’m just assuming here.)  

It’s Katniss’s (Katniss’es) (Kit-Kat Bar’s) job to hunt for food to bring back to her poor helpless family of whom she has no faith can take care of themselves.

           

They all live in District 12. (The name “District 12” won over the name “New Shits-burg.”)  The world, as we know it, was nearly destroyed via hurricane, flood, and war, only now one plague remains, Reality Television…but more on that later…

Now that we’re exposition-ed out, we can start talking about the plot. 

Garfield and friends are all worried because today is, “The Reaping.”  Which basically means Katniss and all the youth in District 12 are at risk of being selected to participate in, “The Hunger Games.” (They said it!!!)  “The Hunger Games” is a televised government sponsored Reality T.V. show that pits 24 teenagers (no-virginity required) in a fight to the death until only one remains.  It’s like if the prom king and queen had to murder the prom king and queen of all the other high schools and then kill each other.  Corsages are not required.

  Katniss and her “hetero-male-non-sexual-friend-with-benefits” Gale are at a very high risk of being selected during this “reaping.”

           

Chapter 1 ends with the whole community gathered in the town square for the selection of the kids who are going to fight.  The children are sectioned and roped off by ages 12-18.  The twelve year olds, like little sister Prim, are scared little puppies, while the hardened 18 year olds are ready to fight. (The 13-17 year olds can’t stop making out).  Then the first name is drawn. Lo and behold it’s little sister Prim. (dun dun dun) Then in another shocking turn of events, Katniss takes her little sisters place.

She then meets her opponent…ready for this… his name is Peeta… and he’s a baker… Peeta…makes bread… Really?  Is the butcher in the town named “Porkchop” and the town plumber named “Shit-clog”? Ugh… anyways.  He was nice to Katniss once as a kid, and so they have a bit of history.  10 bucks says she makes out with him at some point.

           

Other notable things that happened in these first 3 chapters.  We learn that Cheetara’s dad was killed in a tragic mining accident, which is why she lives with only her sis and mom.  Oh, and Dad was apparently Snow White and would sing in the forest and attract genetically mutated birds to sing along with him…(seriously…not making this ish-up) Katniss wears a pin that has one of these freak birds on it…they make a big deal about it so I assume it’ll be important later.

            

I really hope this book picks up the pace a little bit.  These first three chapters were an exposition snore fest.  However, the promise of teenagers wailing on each other with sharp things is interesting enough to keep me going.  Is it weird that I’m reading this with my pants off? … The short answer… Yes… the long answer… Wait…do I hear sirens outside my window..?