If my “relationship” with The Hunger Games were real, I admit…I may have gotten into it for the wrong reasons. I thought it’d take a little more than a few minutes after we’ve met before we were in bed together, ready to have wild and crazy sex until my mouth ran so dry of moisture that the safe word we came up with sounds like it was created by Helen Keller. I was pumped. I was ready!
…Then I read the first 9 chapters… Which had me in the awkward position of being naked in bed and she decided to bring out the family photo album…
So after a severe case of “Reader’s Blue-Balls”… The Hunger Games finally lived up to its expectations.
Chapters 10-12: Let's Get It On
Now that Peeta and Katniss are star-crossed lovers like OJ Simpson & Juliet, Katniss realizes Peeta only said he was in love with her to give her an edge. And by edge…I mean the edge of his penis.
…Katniss is pissed at Peeta, but that boys a charmer, and has her regretting her bad treatment of him. He’s good at turning things around on her and making it seem like she’s the “bad guy”. I’m starting to think that they got their genders reversed…
But it doesn’t matter now because they are all about to go into the arena and fight to the death!!!
Katniss and all the other kids from Sweet-Valley-Die have to sprint for their lives to get the good weapons and supplies that are scattered across something called “The Cornucopia”… It’s like Black Friday at Best Buy, except less people die.
When the games actually start Katniss relies heavily on the one skill all girls naturally have… indecisiveness.
“Do I run for the weapons?”
“Do I run for shelter?”
“Does my Make-up look good?”
“I’m not sure what I want for dinner tonight. You choose.”
Katniss almost had to fight a kid to the death for a near-by backpack, but lucky for her the kid was allergic to knives in the back. And sure enough, knives were flying like there was an earthquake in a Benihana. Some crazy chick was throwing them around like rice at a wedding and Katniss was the bride to freakin be.
Kat escapes, making like her name and climbing up a tree. Sadly…there are no firefighters to get her down, so she decides to set up camp.
It’s there that she realizes that she’s not alone. Another tribute is in a nearby tree and starts a fire to keep warm. This is not a good idea. The so-called “Career Tributes” are onto that tribute like Bears are onto honey and used tampons.
The Career Tributes can best be described as the Jocks in high school. They’re popular, athletic, and have enough ringworm to start a “Kay Jewelers”. They’re like teenage versions of John Rambo.
The Careers quickly dispose of the girl who started the fire, and are in search of anybody else in the area. They are apparently working together to eliminate all of the weaker opponents first so there are only the best of the best left. Kind of like if the Marshmallows in your Lucky Charms started throwing all the regular cereal pieces out of the bowl.
However, Katniss is shocked to learn that Peeta is leading this group. I was certainly shocked as well. It was like learning that the Taliban was actually led by Wolfgang Puck. I guess he’s more of a Gordon Ramsey than a Julie Childs…
Katniss feels betrayed. However, she can’t concentrate on that because she’s also out of water. Sadly it isn’t until next year that “The Thirsty Games” occurs…so she’s screwed for now.
Of course she finds some…because the book would be terribly short if she didn’t. She drinks and rests, and eats rabbit, and thinks of her sister, and wonders what she’s missing on the next episode of GLEE… but her thoughts are cut short by a flaming wall coming straight at her! AND THEN…
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