Note: These are my old blogs from my Twilight Book Review i wrote a year ago. In case you missed them! Enjoy!
So... I'm doing it. Today i read the first 3 chapter's of Twilight. I was told by many a people to actually read the book...for numerous reasons... Therefore, i've decided to read it, not only to shut people up and see what all the fuss is about, but to give my in-depth review of the "shit-erature" as a whole...as i like to call it. Be warned...my critiques will probably contain spoilers...
...so... without further adieu. Twilight.
Review of Chapter's 1-3.
Twilight begins like any teen drama about a misunderstood teenage girl (Bella) who's probably very cute, if she wasn't so concerned with being a individualistic bitch. She up and leaves her mother, who apparently Bella gave birth to because she's as much of an authority figure as a care-bear is. Bella lives with her Dad, who she calls by his first name, but not to his face...because she's cool like that.
Bella then goes to school. Oh, by the way, the town's named Forks... like the author was in the kitchen when she began writing... anyways... Bella begins her school year the hopeful outcast. She makes friends with the some-what nerdy outgoing group...but she only seems to like them because the author tells her to. They don't seem to matter that much as of now...so i'm going to ignore them like i ignore their retarded dialogue. It's the Cullen's who i want to talk about. Bella notices them...not-eating lunch together. They just like to buy food and stare at it with their beautiful and "smoldering" (as my friend would say)...eyes. All of them act like they're too cool for school but they're in school...because they know they're cool anyways. They are all apparently gorgeous... and made out of chalk, candy hearts, and kittens. Bella wants them...i think...
...anywho... Bella continues to amuse herself (much in the way i do) by being as negative a Nancy as possible. She has a class with the Cullen known as Edward. Bella thinks Edward hates her...because he's uncomfortable next to her in class...to the point that he's ultra tense... These interactions are what made these chapters the most interesting. It's Bella's description of these, "Cullens" that i assume these female readers find so interesting. Together they are too cool...not just for school...but they make the high school musical kids seem like the gay-albino-jewish kid who was on the flag team in high school. Everybody wants to be them.
So Bella is obsessed with Edward...but she plays it off in a way that won't get you arrested. She is still going to school...and taking care of her other parent, who i imagine looks something like the Brawny man meets Chuck Norris... but can't operate a toaster.
Edward and Bella flirt in class. It makes mitosis seem so much more interesting than it did Sophomore year. I was half expecting Edward to put his glass penis under the microscope by the end of the ordeal...but nothing really developed except for awkward dialogue that makes you want to wash the "stupid" off afterwords.
So...some unimportant stuff happens... uh... Bella's Dad is gay for Dr. Cullen...who is...some sort of... Foster Doctor... model... or whatever...
Anyways... Bella is almost killed when some kid skids out of control. Bella is saved by Edward who was masturbating behind his car to her likeness...and appeared by her side. Bella wants to know shit... Edward won't tell her... being as cool for this school...and any other school...as he is...
So now Bella is left with this question... who is this Edward Cullen dude...? And how long until i can jump his bone?
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So my overall opinion of this book so far...is... pretty much what i expected. The character's are not really interesting yet... and don't have any flaws worth investing a reader's time into. As long as i don't have to hear Bella talk again about any of her homework...or how good of a reader she is...then i'm fine for the time being. The only thing that I'm interested in is seeing how these two character's are going to interact with each other. I was told that nothing good happens until later in the book... which is a shame...but i'll keep reading. I'll rate each chapter out of 10. These chapters will pass by with a 5.5/10.
: Side note- Did Bella have any friends at her old school??? She seemed to grow up there...and doesn't keep in contact with anyone... I think a cool backstory would be that she killed her best friend reenacting scenes from the Virgin Suicides...because she would totally be into that shit...
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