Chapters 7-9
Oh gods of tedious literature... why must you mock me so with a chapter known as 7.
...I asked for only one thing...less homework and stupid "friend" interactions...and the author not only denied me of that... she also made me imagine a F#$king dress montage...
...but i'm getting ahead of myself... i've got more complaining to do...
...Let's get started with Bella's dream... aka... The only god damn relevant thing in chapter 7. Bella is suspecting that Edward is a vampire after Jacob practically gave her a powerpoint presentation in the woods.
Bella is now partially scared... but still more obsessed with Edward. It's like wondering what it's like putting your tongue into a spinning fan... sure it may hurt...but gosh-darn it i want to get to first base some-how.
...So the rest of chapter 7 can be summed up with a big "ZzzzzZZZzz" and me shouting are you seriously making me read this...
....chapter 8 was a little more hilarious...
So Bella and the rest of the sisterhood of traveling pants go to Port Angeles... which is some sort...of port... i guess... with stores... i dunno... i don't travel often.
Anyways... I'm forced to endure the most tormenting of "chick shit" i've ever had to take in a book. Bella and friends try on Jewelry...clothes...tampons and what have-you's to torture any reader who isn't listening to pretty woman as they exit fitting rooms.
To make the scene relivant Bella asks her friends a question about the Cullens Backpacking trips that comes off something like this.
Bella: I love your dress!
Monotonous Girlfriends: Thanks Bella!
Bella: Speaking of dresses, are the Cullens vampires?
Monotonous Girlfriends: No, they just never come to school on Sunny days. And we have a combined IQ of 6.
I giggled and then skipped the next couple of paragraphs until Bella decided to go off on her own...
...and get into some shenanigans.
Yes... only Bella, being the walking contradiction that she is, manages to come across Port Angeles's town Rapists. And boy... are they good at what they do.
Who knew that 4 guys on the town who come across a random girl can all agree on one thing... "We must Rape this Chick." So they engage in operation "Stalk, Flank, Rape."
So Edward comes in a saves the day. And things finally start getting interesting again.
Chapter 9 fairs better than 7 and 8 because (as i've stated before) it's about Edward and Bella. Edwards treatment of Bella is very entertaining and interesting at the same time. He is very protective, and seems to follow her around in case she happens to fall off a cliff...kinda like that old videogame Lemmings... you know...building bridges...giving her stilts... adding ladders...
...just like that...
Bella asks the important questions...and finds out the truth about Edward. And after about 6 seconds of possible personal character conflict... Bella is ready to have a bat in her cave.
...but you learn Edward is a special kind of vampire... i like to call them, "knot-vampires"
Chapter 9 proved a few things. There is chemistry between the two characters... no matter how shallow they may seem at times. Chapter 7 was an abysmal bore... and 8 really no better except for the fact that we learn Edward can get great service at restaurants... 9 finally adds some degree of character development and shows some real growth.
...Then again... that's like seeing your only Monet painting inside an Applebees...
6.5/10
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