Chapters 13-15
So chapter 13 begins with Bella learning that Edward “glows in the light.” Like… the opposite of a glowstick.
…They spend the majority of Chapter 13 like NASA… preparing for first contact…
…Edward swoons Bella with even more talk about how he would love to kill her (as oxymoronic as that statement sounds). I mean seriously! He does! And she F*#King loves it! I never thought that the biggest turn on to a girl is telling her how easy it would be to lure her away from her friends and drink her blood… I’m seriously starting to consider eating raw meat in front of my dates to turn them on.
Edward describes Bella as his “brand of heroine.” And he has to stop himself from shooting her up into his veins while listening to Jimmy Hendrix.
…my brand of heroine is made by Mexican guys in a basement… and Kirkland
…So Bella and Edward eventually kiss. And it’s as over-dramatic as I expected it to be. Bella’s swooning is becoming a bit overbearing for me at times. Bella apparently gets drunk off his kisses, and loses her ability to drive, think, talk, and create new and imaginative words to describe things… no…wait…that’s the author…
…So more of the same stuff happens with Bella’s reaction to Edward. We then learn more about the Cullens and their back story. Edward was born in 1901 and apparently was sick with the most sexiest of diseases, “The Spanish Influenza.” That’s right… only Edward Cullen would get sick with, “The Spanish Influenza.” The sexiest most deadly form of influenza any man can get. Too bad he couldn’t have had a bad case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or Leprosy… those diseases couldn’t touch that. So... Carlisle…aka…Dr. Cullen…aka Dr. Acula… turns Edward into a vampire… and other’s too.
Edward mentions that his family have interesting lives too. His sister Alice can see the future and is apparently in the middle of Chapter 21 at the moment. Emmett has super strength, Jasper is emotionally draining, and Rosalie is, described by Edward as, “pigheaded.” So until I looked it up…I imagined that she had a face like a pig…which would be the short end of the speacial abilities list… She just turns out to always be on her Period...
Bella then has a one-sided slumber party with Edward, and it is very romantic. Edward plays with the rocking chair as she sleeps.
Bella then goes to meet the X-men at the X-men manor. Their house is nice, and not vampire-y. Bella meets some of the family with super powers. Esme is the mom of the house and was apparently named after a Mexican person declaring themself.
They all like Bella…yadda yadda yadda… Edward can do anything and plays the piano and sings and juggles and fucking recites all the numbers in pi because he can do F&*king everything… he’s like a damn iPhone.
…But Alas! My prayers have been answered. Carlisle and Edward hold a more interesting conversation that we can’t hear…in their minds! Apparently some other vampires are coming to the area to visit and Bella could be in danger! That’s right… a possible conflict and plot may be coming to Twilight. And it involves Vampires!...
…final-fucking-lyyyy
Overall… not bad Twilight. They finally stopped focusing on the boring characters and we now get interesting family characters. There are still some laughable moments of development between Bella and Edward. Bella’s girly swooning is a-tad much for my tastes as I had mentioned with the drunk-love. I’m a believer in “love at first sight”…but sometimes…Bella just comes off as that crazy-bitch who makes statues out of your discarded hair and fingernails whenever you mention the word "break-up"… you know who you people are.
7/10
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