Review Chapters 4-6
Chapter's 4 through 6 passed with all the ease of a kidney stone the size of a softball. I had to read through more of Bella in class, and more of her interactions with the "norm-ies" around the high school.
Apparently all the men in the high school... are in heat. (in which there are only about 8 kids total which must make it hard to not inbreed)...
This is shown in a "HILARIOUS"... :(... moment when Bella is asked to the dance by multiple men. I like to call this, "chick humor"... and i give myself a mammogram afterwords and eat some dark chocolate.
Edward decides to appease his bluest of balls and swoon Bella. To summerize the dialogue throughout the rest of these chapters can be like this::::
Bella: "blah, blah, blah...mope...mope...mope."
Edward: "Yadda...Yadda...Yadda...Yadda... ::smoldering eyes::"
Bella: ::orgasm::
Edward knows how to make a girl swoon. I'm reading this book thinking... If this book came with a button or switch that caused it to turn to "massage" mode... women would never leave their room after chapter 5.
Bella asks more questions about Edward... but gets nothing out of it. Much like i am getting from this book. Edward seems to find her "primitive" female intuition hilarious... and maybe it is... but Bella seems to be doing a silent-stand-up comedy routine that's only funny to Edward... I'm pretty bored by this point.
An interesting side note is that people are getting jealous of Bella. Which seems to happen when every guy at the school wants you. But Bella doesn't care... Bella is used to not having friends. She's used to being the individual, pretty, outcast. God must have put her on Earth as the one quality B-movie in the bargain bin. So imperfectly perfect.
...and thus my head began to ache while reading.
...Chapter six is about as fun as a beach party on the O.C... The kids go and look at starfish, while Edward is not invited and is probably hunting lions and tigers and bears in the other forest. Bella then meets Jacob.
Jacob is apparently a Casino-less Native American who has long black hair and a baby face... So i'm just going to imagine him as Disney's Pocahontas. Pocahon- I mean... Jacob seems to be all into Bella in the same way my cousin is into picking up and throwing snails. He's not super annoying...but just blabs enough information to make a "family secret" about being werewolves not really a secret.
...Now...maybe this isn't obvious to everybody...and i admit to having just a little bit of previous knowledge of the books before... but he totally gives away everything to Bella right there...and even Nancy freaking Drew can put the mangy black hair and pale-marble skin stuff together to know that she's messing with Vampires and Werewolves.
But maybe i'm just jumping ahead. I'll let her move at her own pace. She has so much more moping to do...she can't possibly be moping and solving mysteries at the same time... i mean... she's not Batman.
Because of it's boring romance shit... 5/10... raise it a point or two if you found the "massage" switch while reading.
--more to come--
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